Who Am I?

img_20141216_175011When it comes to mom, I am several different people, depending on the time of day, her mood, or what state her mind is in at any given time. Following is a list of people she believes me to be at different times of the day, with a short description of how she perceives me.

Her Husband – Yes, most of the time she believes that I am her husband, my dad. There are times that, if I don’t pay a lot of attention to her, she gets mad at me and will ask me if I still love her or if I’m mad at her. The discussion then turns to her telling me that we’ve been together for so many years, we grew up together, etc. I know she can’t help it, but it makes me feel really weird when she does this.

Her Brother LG – This is the most common and frequent person she thinks I am. 90% of the time, when she calls to me, it is by using his name.

Her Brother JT – Other times, when I’m not LG, I’m JT or “T”, which is what she called him most of the time.

My Brother, Roger – It isn’t very often she thinks I’m Roger, but she does from time to time. This one is the hardest for me emotionally¬†because he passed away suddenly this past May.

On occasion, when she is especially lucid, she actually knows who I am and will call me by my name.

When she first started forgetting me and/or thinking I’m someone else, it really hurt and bothered me. Also, I would be with her all day and her thinking I’m someone else when somebody would come in that she hadn’t seen in quite a while and she would immediately know them, now that really hurt.

Now, I’m used to it. I won’t lie though, sometimes it still hurts, especially if we’ve had a really bad day. It seems like lately, we’re having more bad days than good.

So, I’ll go on being whomever she wants or needs me to be, hurting or not.

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