He thinks about her every day. He remembers the feel of her body against his, the touch of her hand on his face, the spark of love in her eyes.
He remembers the smell of her hair and it takes him on a long, lonesome journey, back to a time when life was good, and all was right with his world.
He knows it’s impossible but, he wants her, no, he needs her. His soul craves to be reunited with hers. He knows it will never be.
He feels alone, abandoned by life, lost in a world not of his choosing. Every time he thinks of her, the loneliness gets deeper, harder to bear.
He reaches out with his mind, leaving his heart in a safe place, for he knows it is a dangerous journey he undertakes. He does his best to protect what little of his tattered and broken heart remains.
His mind swims with the ebb and flow of time, searching for a place he knows doesn’t exist, not anymore. A place of happiness and joy where even the storms of life have little effect.
He knows his search is in vain, but still he continues on, letting his mind take him where it will.
As the memories swiftly fly by, he reaches out, desperately grasping at something, anything to ease his tortured soul and exhausted mind.
On a rare occasion, a memory will come just within reach, it touches the tips of his searching fingers, igniting in him a hope that has been long lost, only to fade into the distance once again.
As the journey continues, pain, his constant companion, effortlessly stays with him, never letting him go, forever clutching the edges of his mind, sometimes out of sight, but never gone.
There are times he blames her, he convinces himself that this pain and anguish is somehow her fault. She is the reason he no longer allows himself to be vulnerable. The reason he keeps his most precious emotions locked tightly away.
Then he realizes once again that it is no one’s fault but his own. He once again accepts the facts, no matter how difficult it may be. He pulls the truth tightly against his breast, feeling the searing pain burning through to his soul.
Some part of him rejects the truth, yet another part relishes in the pain, craving more. As if punishing himself will somehow bring her to him.
And so, the journey continues …