The War Within

0c48ab59f79e5ba490513831502f8869Though the endless night he walks this path.He looks ahead and sees nothing but raging storm clouds on the horizon, to his sides, nothing but pain.

He stops and looks behind him and though he tries, he can see nothing but sorrow and the broken pieces of his life scattered like late Autumn leaves rustling in the cold, ceaseless wind.

Standing there, looking through the blowing dust of the past, he wonders again how he came to this place, what did he do to condemn himself to this lonely path, this solitary stretch of life?

If he puts all of his effort into it, he can almost see a happier time, a joyful life. Those fleeting ghosts don’t last very long though, they are consumed once again by the darkness.

Sometimes he believes he can hear the faint whisper of laughter long past and through his confused and turbulent mind he reaches for them, desperately seeking their warmth and light.

He closes his eyes against the pain, made ever more intense by the quiet memories that tease his consciousness. A single tear slowly rolls down his cheek, only to be captured by the ever increasing storm winds and blown into oblivion.

As he turns back and begins walking once again, forcing himself to keep going, even though his greatest desire is to return to those long forgotten days, to be free again, to live in the light of life. Resolutely he puts one foot in front of the other, pushing against the cold, rising wind.

He turns his troubled thoughts inward, trying to reach that dark place inside him, always hoping that this time he will be able to touch it. It is a comforting darkness and it calls to him, beckoning him ever farther away from the outside world.

A world that turned it’s back on him, leaving him stranded and alone in this desolate wasteland he once called his life. A world that promised everything and delivered nothing but pain and sorrow. A world he now hates, and he can feel that hatred surging up from the dark place inside him.

He feels as if he’s getting closer to the darkness, he can sense it on a level unknown before. Arms stretch out, fingers grasping desperately at … nothing. Yet again the darkness has teased him and escaped farther into his soul.

There was a time he was afraid to look inside himself, afraid of what he might find there. That was before the darkness began calling to him, back before unforgivable tragedy ever touched his life. It was before he was thrown into the Godforsaken place. Before he was alone.

He brings his mind back to the real world around him and like every other time before, his breath is taken from his lungs from the sheer shock of what lies before and around him.

Ahead in the darkness, he sees a sliver of light. Could this be his place of refuge? Could this finally be the end of his torturous journey? He doesn’t allow his hopes to get away from him, for he has seen this before.

Like the ever evading darkness within him, this light also teases him, calls to him. Yes, calls to him, but a different part of him which he doesn’t fully understand. A forgotten part of him perhaps? A part that hasn’t been destroyed but remains steadfast in the hope that it will one day be reunited with the light.

His mind and spirit are torn, conflicted. A part of him yearns for the darkness, yet an unknown part of him silently screams for the light to redeem him, to save him from this lonely existence and finally give him peace.

He lowers his eyes to the ground, unwilling to look at the faint light far ahead of him. His mind returns to the ever present chaos inside him. His soul is dark, his heart is frozen, what’s left of it.

Once again, he gives in to the inevitable and continues down this never ending path and somewhere, buried deep within him, an unheard voice calls out, promising rest for his weary body and soul.

It continues to go unheard, perhaps because he doesn’t want to hear it.

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